tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44074362301977890722024-02-20T19:00:52.943-08:00Feeling Better Now!Cynthia Campbell, MA, MFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12910211277812828883noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4407436230197789072.post-87946723120110592392012-12-29T17:40:00.000-08:002012-12-31T12:57:00.689-08:00It's Not the Number of Breaths We Take...<br />
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">This was written by the comedian, George Carlin. It places in perspective, what are the most important things in life.</span></div>
<div align="left">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. </span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
</div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away."</span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="left" style="font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: small;">
<span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">Wishing you and your loved ones a happy and joyous 2013.</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;"><br /></span>Cynthia Campbell, MA, MFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12910211277812828883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4407436230197789072.post-24757387571657333302012-12-23T16:23:00.000-08:002012-12-23T19:40:46.772-08:00Dealing With Grief at the Holidays<div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We, as a nation, are
recovering this year from a series of painful and tragic events. Some may also
be experiencing their own personal losses. The holidays<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>may also magnify those that are lacking
or suffering therefore triggering guilt in people. These feelings of grief
might inhibit the joyful expectations and excitement for the holidays making it
more difficult to cope.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Grief Process is a
combination of several emotions such as Denial, Anger, Regret, Guilt, and
Sadness. How we experience grief is due to many factors such as amount of time,
affiliation/connection to the loss, religious beliefs, and cultural issues.
Here are some suggestions of ways to cope that might be helpful :<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> - Treat yourself with 'TLC' (tender loving care). Don't overextend yourself or become overwhelmed. Ask others to help with preparations and tasks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">- Graciously limit or turn down invitations from people or situations that may cause heartbreak.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">- Respectfully communicate your needs to others.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">- Allow yourself to leave any situation that triggers painful feelings.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">- Some people start a new tradition to honor the memory of a loved one and allow for the expression of loving feelings.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">- Employ self-care through relaxation and stress reduction techniques as in exercising, hot baths, listening to soothing music, reading a favorite book, tending to a garden, getting a massage, sipping a cup of hot tea, getting plenty of rest and eating healthy meals.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">- Refrain from the overuse of food, alcohol, sleep medications, sugar and sweets as they may make you feel depressed and fragile.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">- Seek out the comfort of your support system or attend therapy or grief support groups. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">-
Give yourself the gift of self-acceptance – your body, mind, mistakes,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">needs/wants,
decisions and feelings.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It is true that, with time
and the employment of healthy coping skills, healing will occur. As they say, it is no accident that the first 4 letters in Health are Heal.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Cynthia Campbell, MA, MFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12910211277812828883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4407436230197789072.post-73741855962676656542012-12-16T14:24:00.000-08:002019-03-10T03:30:18.029-07:00The Mental Illness That Effects Us All<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial";"><b>'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother'</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial";"><br /></span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial";">This heartbreaking article illustrates the gap in the Mental Health system. This boy in the article is now of the age where his mother has no legal control. (That is for the people who acknowledge their child has a problem with mental illness. I worked in Special Education where many parents refused to accept their child was mentally ill even after the teachers and schools tried to tell them they had problems. There is also a lack of and a vague understanding of what constitutes mental illness and what is being odd, peculiar and eccentric.) </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial";"><br /></span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial";">After 18 years old, he does not have to comply if he does not want to... include being made to go to a psychiatrist/therapy, take or comply to medication, and go to and remain in a facility due to 'patient's rights'. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial";">Therapy does not cure severe mental illness. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial";"><span class="Apple-style-span">Patients Rights were established that gave all the power of care to the patient. The only way he can be held is if he commits a crime. He is legally able to go 'AMA' (against medical advice). Then there is the 'who pays for it' problem. The States closed the residential mental hospitals down. Mental hospitals will only keep them on a temporary basis as insurance does not cover long-term care. If they have no insurance, they are out there floating around. We are not always talking mentally deficient people, we are talking very bright people who can 'look' and 'talk' like they are sane to hide it. Look at the UniBomber and the Batman shooter in CO. This is the 'Mental Health gap'. What we see in all of these from the Senator shooter through this latest, I believe is Schizophrenia, a personality disorder and state of psychosis that can be genetic or induced by drugs. Symptoms tend to increase in late teens/early twenties. This is why taking guns away does not solve the bigger problem. The Unibomber used bombs. </span><span class="Apple-style-span">I hope this does not upset you as that is not my intention. This is just my opinion on the matter as a Mental Health provider in the trenches.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div style="color: black; font-family: helvetica, arial; font-size: 10pt;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div id="AOLMsgPart_1_496a195c-62b3-4a09-a362-ede28759efac">
<div style="color: #666666; font-family: Tahoma, Helvetica, Arial;">
<table summary="This table contains web objects shared by your friend using ShareThis"><tbody>
<tr><td colspan="2" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 2px; color: #777777; padding-bottom: 10px;"></td></tr>
<tr><td width="180px"><a alt="'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother'" href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4407436230197789072"><img src="https://b9.sustatic.com/ZVXMim1HV6CMdXRitL17Iw" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; max-height: 150px; max-width: 150px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 15px;"> </a></td><td style="font-size: 14px; padding-top: 17px;" valign="top" width="400px"><h5 style="font-size: 1.2em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<a href="http://shar.es/hfsRH" style="color: #2288bb; font-weight: 100; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother'</a></h5>
<div style="color: #aaaaaa; font-size: 0.8em; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
Source: <a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4407436230197789072" style="color: #83c65a; font-size: 1.1em;">stumbleupon.com</a></div>
<div style="color: #999999; font-size: 0.9em;">
Written by Liza Long, republished from The Blue Review Friday's horrific national tragedy -- the murder of 20 children and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut -- has ignited a new discussion on violence in America.</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small;"> </span></div>
Cynthia Campbell, MA, MFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12910211277812828883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4407436230197789072.post-85230032147878644082012-08-01T17:47:00.000-07:002019-03-10T03:25:16.861-07:00<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u>RECIPE FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
Use equal parts of:<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Care</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Love</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Friendship</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Passion</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Respect</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
Blend with much Understanding and
lots of Forgiveness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
Bake continuously in the oven of
Commitment and Trust. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
Baste often and liberally with a
Sense of Humor.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
Serve with plenty of Communication
in a Problem-Solving atmosphere. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
( Especially good when shared with
loving family and friends. )</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
Note:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a tricky recipe that requires careful
attention and the participation of both cooks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it falls flat, check all ingredients and increase
amounts as needed. Prepare it often for best results.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<b style="background-color: white;">If both cooks cannot perfect recipe, see a marriage counselor for recipe alterations.</b></div>
Cynthia Campbell, MA, MFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12910211277812828883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4407436230197789072.post-28918079441331747182012-07-29T17:08:00.000-07:002015-12-27T13:23:30.756-08:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan lines-together; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<h2>
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">The Greatest Gift You Can Give Yourself and Your Child </span></b></h2>
</div>
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan lines-together; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: widow-orphan lines-together;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It can't be bought in a store, it doesn't come in
various colors, and one size fits all. It is </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">the key to mental </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">health, learning
and happiness. It is the armor that protects us from </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">the dragons in life, and
it is our </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">largest task as parents. If you as a parent don't pass it </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">on, your
child has a high probability of failing in life. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The gift is self-esteem. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: widow-orphan lines-together;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: widow-orphan lines-together;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Self-esteem is defined as appreciating one's own worth and importance, and having the character </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">to be accountable for one's self
and act responsibly towards others. Self-esteem evolves through the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">quality of the relationships between children and those important in their lives. Children
learn who they </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">are from words, attitudes and nonverbal messages given to
them. </span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan lines-together;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: widow-orphan lines-together;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Low self-esteem comes from rejection, conditional
love or no love, threats, lack of attention, emotional </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">or physical neglect or
abuse, perfectionism, and comparison to </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">others. Also included are put-downs, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">name-calling, ridicule, humiliation, judgment, criticism, discouragement,
disrespect, prejudice, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">resentment, needs not being met, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">stress, and focusing on
externals (appearances, behavior, performance). </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When children </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">experience this
kind of treatment, they conclude that they are not important, good </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">enough, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">or
okay. That becomes their truth they carry with them throughout life.</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan lines-together;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-right: -31.5pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan lines-together;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">High self-esteem comes from attention, acceptance,
respect, love, honesty, </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">affectionate </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and appropriate </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">touch, having their needs
taken seriously, honoring </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">their uniqueness, and having choices.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Also needed is </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">encouragement, support, appreciation, high and </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">reasonable expectations, being listened to and
understood, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">safety, a sense of personal </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">power, a feeling </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">of connectedness to
others, being responsible, having a meaning </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">in life, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">being healthy and </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">fit,
forgiveness,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">gratitude, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and play. With a high sense of self-esteem, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">a child
that is </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">challenged by negative influences has more of a chance of overcoming </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and surviving. </span><br />
<h2>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Palatino;"><br /></span></h2>
</div>
Cynthia Campbell, MA, MFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12910211277812828883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4407436230197789072.post-44912985531879990712012-07-19T21:46:00.000-07:002012-11-08T15:40:16.758-08:00Forgiveness : How to Let Go and Move Forward<br />
<div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
How many of us have felt we were 'wronged' and think that person does not deserve our forgiveness? I am sure most of us could write a list of people and situations that we hang onto tightly to protect us from dealing with the pain and fear of vulnerability.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Forgiveness : let’s clarify what forgiveness is not. To forgive is not to excuse, justify, pardon or condone what someone else did. Furthermore, forgiveness does not mean that you reconcile with this person or that you invite him or her back into your life. Sometimes the person has passed on and that door is forever closed. The purpose of forgiveness is to free yourself from the negative thoughts and emotions that so often accompany a grudge. A great deal of research suggests that there are negative consequences for those who find it difficult to forgive. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
A lack of forgiveness is often accompanied by resentment, which is associated with feelings of depression and anxiety. Furthermore, people who are less forgiving are more likely to be unhappy, pessimistic, neurotic and have illnesses due to repressed anger. On the other hand, forgiving people are more likely to be happy, calmer, optimistic and physically healthy due to a healthier immune system.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
But such benefits can take time. One study demonstrated that emotionally abused women who participated in forgiveness therapy experienced greater self-esteem and reduced feelings of depression and anxiety. I, personally, held weekly therapy groups over a 4 month time span at a battered women's shelter where I planted the message that the best revenge is letting go and moving on to a better life without the anchor of the memories of abuse. None of these women returned to abusers because they learned they were worth more than their previous fate.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
True forgiveness can be one of the most difficult things you ever do. The pure act of forgiveness should have NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Through hard work and perseverance, the benefits are more than worth it. Here are some recommendations for this process:</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<b>Remember when you were forgiven/walking in their shoes</b> - If you are having trouble forgiving someone, recall a time where you were in the opposite situation—a time when someone else was hesitant to forgive you. Put yourself in the shoes of this person. Why did he/she forgive you? Did you deserve it? What would your life be like if they never did? What would their life be like if they still held a grudge against you? How did it hurt you if they refused to forgive you? Remember that one day you may need to be forgiven again, and someone else will be in the same position you are in now. If you would hope to be forgiven, it’s right to do the same for others and extend the same courtesy.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<b>Write a letter (whether you mail it to them or not, can also be done in your journal)</b> - You may not feel comfortable directly contacting the person who wronged you, and that’s okay. Nonetheless, you may benefit greatly from writing a letter detailing what happened, how you felt about it, and what you wish he or she would have done instead. Finally, do your best to express forgiveness and understanding toward that person regardless of the outcome. Think carefully about whether you should actually send the letter -- when in doubt, wait a while longer. There are some doors best left closed or, at least, modified.</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<b>Putting the act into perspective</b> - What actually happened? Was the person aware of the deep impact they had on you? Did you play some part in the interaction? Was it a miscommunication or a non-malicious act? Was this person acting in accordance to their personality style? Is your hurt coming from your own 'stuff' of which they have no knowledge? Are your expectations of them out of reason? What purpose is our anger serving us? Are we really dealing with the inability to forgive ourselves? Does the punishment of not forgiving them fit the crime? </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<b>Clinging onto the past can just bring on more of the same </b>- Ever asked yourself why you feel stuck in your life? Are you stuck in the same patterns that bring the same pain? Is the inability of letting go of the past keeping you from a happier future? Is it time to shed the old ways to become a lighter, happier you?</div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
You may be tempted to hold on to anger and bitterness like an old, faded photograph as a form of protection from the rawness of the pain of vulnerability. Without it, there will be nothing to remind you of what happened and why it was wrong. However, you need to ask yourself a simple question: does this make you happy? Does it really feel good to have hard feelings toward someone day after day, year after year? Imagine what life would be like if you let those hard feelings go. Do you remember what it feels like to not have such a heavy burden on your shoulders? If not, its time to find out. </div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Georgia; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Ultimately, forgiveness will set you free. There will still be hard days when the memories come back and the hard feelings resurface. But if you make the conscious choice to forgive what took place, your life will be forever changed. Your hard heart will soften and you will see the world differently. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness and see for yourself the peace that awaits you in your new life.<span style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Helvetica Light';"> </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Palatino; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 16.0px;">
<b></b></div>
</div>
Cynthia Campbell, MA, MFThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12910211277812828883noreply@blogger.com0